The Entitlement of a Good Person

a discussion on our innate entitlement when we feel superior to others

I am not a good person.  

Truthfully, I am not religious, and I never really have been. Following a deity and faith has never been what pushes me to do good or nice things. To someone religious, I am probably not your type of good person. 

I speed when driving. I’ll forget to use my blinker sometimes. I may or may not have committed trespassing on more than one occasion and other things that I cannot discuss for legal reasons. Quizlet and Socratic are my best friends during the school semester. If following laws and rules are what you define as being a good person, I may not be your type of good person. 

We all define being a good person differently. Some may say that being a good person means following a religious and spiritual faith and its teachings. Some say to be a good person you must follow all rules and laws. Others say to be a good person you must bring happiness to other people. Someone who chooses to follow the morals we believe are right and it is how we all define good in a person. Our definitions are subjective to whoever is judging.  

All of this is to say that at one point, I thought I was a good person. I thought that following rules and laws and being somewhat religious was me being good. Because I wasn’t racist, homophobic, or just an overall bigot, I was worthy of good things. Those were my morals. The people who I believed to be good and worthy of good outcomes and rewards all followed those principals: not bigoted and lawful. 

But the truth is; I wasn’t a good person. I was self-righteous and entitled. 

Instead of asking questions and considering why I thought being religious and lawful were good, I just went along with it. I was comfortable with my current knowledge of the world and refused to think deeper as to why I thought that way. Oftentimes, we stop self-reflecting because we know we’ll find something we don’t like because the glamorous lies we tell ourselves cover up the ugly truths we don’t want to admit. 

And I found so much that I didn’t like once I got over the notion that I was a good person. I realized that my reason for being good wasn’t always pure. Not to say I was the devil reincarnated, but I was no saint, especially not in the way I thought I was.  

There is a certain level of entitlement in every good person. The mentality that I did this good thing for someone, I deserve something great in return. But if you’re being good to gain something in this life, or the afterlife, are you really that good of a person? 

If you think the people you love must stay in your life because you did nice things for them, you are entitled, not a good person. Being good to get what you want, whether it’s affection or material goods, is ill intentioned. 

 When doing good things for others, sometimes we still center ourselves and our own personal gain. To create meaningful change anywhere, we must decenter ourselves and what will benefit us individually the most. 

Summer 2020 was probably the worst time for many Black Americans. Besides the brutal murders of unarmed Black people and unconstitutional police force against Black-led protests, dealing with white people at this time was absolutely dreadful. The white Americans who were obviously racist were easy to deal with: you just acknowledge that they would rather you be dead and move on. At the end of the day, there’s only so much energy you can waste on a lost cause. 

The hardest people to deal with were the white liberals who thought they were good. The ones who thought that posting an infographic and a black square on Instagram was enough to solve racism. In their minds, they are good people. They are standing with Black Lives Matter and saying, “hey, I’m not the racist!” 

But performative activism is where many white Americans stopped in their anti-racism journey. Simply believing that black people are people who deserve rights and to live (the bare minimum) was enough for them.  

Many white liberals failed to educate themselves on the history of police brutality and systemic racism because they were entitled. Because they believed their morals were right, they stopped educating themselves to become better allies. They’ll say “Black Lives Matter,” but when it really matters, they won’t vote like Black lives matter.

It’s entitlement and ego. So often, so-called “allies” center themselves in movements. Whether they support black liberation or gay rights as an act of rebellion, or to make themselves feel like a good person, bad allies will always make the movement about them. Rather than listening to the people who are negatively impacted by unjust laws and regulations, a bad ally will make movements about how they are better than the opposing side because the side they’re on is good.  

The Body Positivity Movement is another example of how “allies” will center themselves in a movement that was not created for them. A movement that was created for fat people and others who don’t fit society’s beauty standards quickly became co-opted by skinny white girls. 

Somehow and someway, the face of Body Positivity became a white girl who had occasional bloating issues and body rolls that she would post on TikTok. The praise she got came from other girls who looked like her, not fat people. Instead of helping normalize fat bodies and bodies that have been historically shamed, the girl brought people into the movement who don’t necessarily need a movement. 

In the name of Body Positivity, people leave comments under fat people’s posts like, “I wish I had your confidence.” The movement has become, “skinny people have problems too!” What could’ve been a movement that addresses systemic fatphobia and our fat-shaming culture ended up diluted by voices that should have been amplifying who the movement was intended for.  

The influx of supporters of Body Positivity stopped their activism after agreeing that fat people deserve rights. They didn’t research how to destigmatize certain body types. Others refuse to unlearn their biases around fat people. But yet, they believe they are good because they support a movement that has an underrepresented voice.  

When we call ourselves good, we stop learning and stop trying to become better because we are complacent with just being good.  Good is good enough for a lot of us.

 

The Good Place is one of my favorite shows. So often, sitcoms give us a group of objectively good people to follow. We care about these people because, for the most part, they are morally sound. We all love rooting for the good guy. 

Very rarely are we given characters like Eleanor Shellstrop who is just simply a jerk who we have to learn to root for. She lacks accountability, she feels entitled to stay in The Good Place despite knowing that someone is suffering in The Bad Place because of her presence, and she only does good things to earn a spot in The Good Place. 

The thing is, once Eleanor realized she wasn’t a good person, that’s when she started to grow. Throughout season one, we see Eleanor try to unlearn her jerk behavior to become something better. She started to care about others in a way she never had. The humility to admit that you are not perfect is the beginning of self-reflection and self-improvement. 

Obviously, Eleanor’s character development between the show’s start and the end is moving and touching, but many people fail to realize that they are who Eleanor was in season one. They are an Arizona trash bag.  

When we are faced with the ugliness of ourselves, our first instinct is to be defensive. We start defending ourselves in a way that only digs us into a deeper hole. The defensiveness is proof that we know we are not perfect, but we don’t want to change to get better. 

Tahani is the perfect example of someone who believes that they’re good, but they’re not. I hate to give spoilers, but honestly, you should have watched the show already. If you haven’t watched The Good Place, this is your sign to start. Anyway, here we go, spoiler warning, I guess.  

Tahani seemingly had every reason to believe she was in the Good Place. She donated large sums of money to charity, she was well-liked by people who were well-liked, and she hosted extravagant charity events. Most people would say that she was a good person.  

But the reason Tahani was not in the Good Place was that her motives for being good were flawed. She just wanted to be better than her sister. Whether it was being more famous than her sister, or being seen as a better person than her, Tahani’s goal was never to be a good person just to be a good person. 

We all have motives for being a good person. Sometimes it’s religion and other times it’s because we like making people smile. But when your reasons for being good are centered around making yourself appear good, that’s when your intentions are not pure. 

Good people follow the laws; they color inside the lines and listen to authorities.  

Let’s say there’s a man. He’s 26 years old and he’s interested in a girl that’s almost 18. If he waits until she’s 18, then pursues her, he’s still a good person. He followed the law and pursued her once she was of legal age. 

But the problem is if there weren’t any laws prohibiting him from pursuing a barely of-age girl, he would’ve tried to get with her earlier. Legality does not mean morality and when we identify people who follow all of the laws as always being good people, we obscure the blurred lines that are morality.  

The difference between a freshly 18-year-old and a 26-year-old is astounding. For starters, one person has a brain that is fully developed, and the other doesn’t. If the only reason you’re not doing something is that it is illegal, you most likely need to do some self-reflection.  

The man would argue that he deserves to have sex with the 18-year-old because he waited until she was legal. He is entitled to shoot his shot because he followed the law. He thinks he’s different than a man who didn’t wait until the girl was 18. The hard truth for people who identify as a good person is that they aren’t as good as they think. 

There’s no real difference between an 18-year-old and a person who is 17 years old and 362 days. So why should you feel different when you exploit one? Why would it be morally different? 

The southern Christian woman who goes to church every Sunday and does occasional community service also sits outside of the abortion clinic to scream and belittle young women who are making a tough decision. She spews anti-choice rhetoric on Facebook, but she helped her daughter get an abortion when she was pregnant.  

This woman is set in her beliefs that abortion is a moral wrong, so she stands against it, regardless of the situation the young person walking into the abortion clinic is going through. But as soon as something happens to her, and she’s centered in a dilemma, it’s different. Her daughter’s reasons for abortion are pure and for the better, while other women are evil and murderous.  

We all make excuses for our choices. The woman in question made the excuse that her daughter's abortion was necessary while bashing others. Even though the woman is vehemently against abortion, yet supported someone getting one, she will believe she is a good person still. This is the hypocrisy of good people.  

When you call yourself a good person, you absolve yourself from the work you need to put in to become a better person. Thinking you’re a good person adds this superiority complex that you can do no wrong. Everyone who is not you and doesn’t follow your moral code is wrong.

I don’t like the term, ‘good person’ if you couldn’t tell yet. When you call yourself a good person, you have a sense of entitlement. I’m a good person, so how could this bad thing happen to me? I followed the laws, so how could this happen to me?  

In our capitalistic society, you cannot be a truly good person. The Good Place is a great example of how we inadvertently support unethical practices. There is no real ethical consumption under capitalism because part of the system is to exploit other people. At some point, you are going to do something wrong or socially deviant. You are going to inadvertently support child labor because you bought coffee. You are going to support terrible working conditions when you buy a tomato or a T-shirt. And it sucks that you can’t do anything about it. You want to give in and give up your personal fight against the system because it feels like nothing is changing. 

But you can limit how much you support SHEIN and other fast fashion corporations. You can be mindful of where your coffee beans are sourced. There are ways you can attempt to be better than the average. Being okay with not being completely ethical or good, but still trying to be the best you can is the whole point. Be intentional with your morals and choices. 

We value people we think have values. Rarely do we treat people who we deem as bad or socially deviant with respect. If they don’t follow what we believe to be good, they have little value to us.  

And that’s a problem. We pick and choose who deserves rights and who deserves to live conditionally. We are all good conditionally; whether we’re good to people who think are good, or if we’re good to prove a point to ourselves and others. 

With the shame and punishment culture we have built into society, we automatically put people into good and evil boxes. There is no grey area. As soon as you hear someone has been to prison, your perception of them is warped; they are suddenly a terrible person. As a society, we stop believing they deserve respect. 

If our goodness is conditional, are we really that good? 

I probably sound like an ass, telling you that you aren’t a good person. Maybe you’re angry, calling me a bitch and saying I don’t know anything (which is right), or maybe this will spark your self-reflection journey. For our whole lives, we’re told to be good. In the TV shows and movies we watch, it has always been Good vs. Evil. If we cannot be good, what can we be? 

Genuine. It’s the perfect word for what we should strive to be. You can be genuinely good where you do your best to make the world we live in a better place. You are trying to be better and make a difference. Your intentions are there, you are trying to be better. Being willing to learn, and open-minded enough to take criticism is the hardest part, but you can only do that if you are genuinely trying to be better.  

Being genuine does not try to shift the blame and hard work of self-improvement elsewhere. Genuine people are not entitled to good things; they just do things for others because they want to. Their intentions don’t have ulterior motives that center their egos. A genuine person would learn from mistakes rather than feel entitled to being right because they did something that aligns with their morals. 

What we fail to realize is that being good and being genuine are different. You can do good things for people, but not be genuine about it. We can all be better, but we must open our minds and put the work in to be better. Perfection is a myth that is unattainable and subjective, but progress is what makes a change, and what makes the tedious work worth it.