Legal Predators

just because something can legally happen, doesn't mean it should happen

Fun fact: I have never watched The Titanic. When I reached 14 and realized it was three hours long, the movie sounded like a struggle to get through. And if I’m being brutally honest with all of you, I think the only Leonardo DiCaprio movie I’ve watched is the 1996 version of Romeo and Juliet. To me, Leo is most known from the iFunny memes I used to laugh at that made fun of him every Oscar season.

And because I’m about to dog on Leonardo DiCaprio and men like him for free, I am also acknowledging that in doing so, I am foregoing my eligibility to date these men. I have eight good years before I officially age out of their dating pool, but here I am, removing myself for free. My Cash App is $alanac21 if you would like to support my emotional damage and lost potential resources compensation fund.

In all seriousness, despite the internet having a field day with Leo’s recent breakup with his newly 25-year-old ex-girlfriend, I figured this was a great time to finally discuss the predatory behavior of not only men in Hollywood and positions of power, but men you may encounter in your everyday life.

Dating younger women is not a new concept, especially in Hollywood. Demi Lovato just released a song entitled “29”, signifying her ex-boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama’s age when they dated when Demi just turned 18. Johnny Depp is 23 years older than Amber Heard. Taylor Swift was 19 when John Mayer was 32. Hugh Hefner’s whole brand was dating young women. And before contemporary times, men would marry literal children.

As soon as these young women get out of relationships with older men, they often realize how manipulative, abusive, and just plain awful these men were to them. This is because older men purposely prey on young girls because of their inexperience, youth, and naivety. If someone doesn’t recognize the signs of abuse, the abuser can keep abusing without repercussions.

Podcast after podcast, interview upon interview, men have revealed their infatuation with young women is because they are malleable. A human brain Is not fully developed until one reaches the age of 25, (conveniently where Leo draws his line) so before that age, you’re not a child or a teenager, but you’re definitely not a full-blown adult with adequate life experience. A young person can be easily influenced by someone who is promising love, security, and attention.

What needs to be realized is that these huge age gaps where men are well into their 30s, 40s, and 50s, and these girls graduated from high school not even five years ago, are about power. Truly, it’s not about the sex these men have with younger women and why they may find it pleasurable. It’s the feeling they get knowing that these young girls will do anything for them for a price. Whether it’s money, security, or status, these men know how to pull the strings to get what they want. They get off more on how good it feels to “still have game” and the power that comes with “having game” than the actual intercourse they have.

This is partly because young, beautiful girls are the most commodified objects: All men want them, and all girls want to be them. They can sell anything, even the wrinkly-est and scummy of men. So, if these older men keep dating women so young, when the young woman he’s currently dating ages out of his dating range, there will still be a plentiful supply for his endeavors. Young girls will still want him because he’s what the Pretty girls have had. These men become immortalized because they obtain what everyone else cannot. Young women become trophies and prizes for his boys to congratulate him on.

So namely rich older men pursue young women. They have the funds to keep the girls coming back. Older rich guys promise these young girls experiences they can’t have if the girls dated men their age. When promised opportunities and funds from a man and all you have to do is have sex with them, it’s hard to say no, especially depending on your economic position.

This money dynamic, paying younger girls to have sex or hang out with you, is targeted at young women in many ways. Mainstream feminism has a problem with promoting sexual liberation as something that can be attained by minors. Whether it’s explicit or inexplicit, young girls see older feminists “shake ass to destroy the patriarchy”, and in turn mimic that behavior. Not only that but some TikTokers promote and simplify how hard and demanding sex work is, so young girls think that getting money from sex work will be easy and liberating.

With this mindset, finding a sugar daddy to pay for your clothes, vacations, rent, etc. just by having sex with them does not seem that bad. You feel like you’re using him instead of the other way around. It may feel liberating.

But regardless of why you sleep with the older man, he is still benefitting way more than you are. He is still using you way more than you could ever use him. You might use his disposable income, but these men are using their money and power to keep you on a leash. You become dependent on the allowance they give you. Whether you want to be or not, you are being financially abused by him, thus making it harder to leave.

The want to date older men stems from the need to feel mature. Many people claim that girls mature faster than boys, which cannot be further from the truth. This narrative justifies men’s predatory behavior towards young girls.

All my life, I have been told that I’m “mature for my age”. I’m the youngest of three, so I learned from my elder siblings’ mistakes. When I think about it now, that phrase is so weird. No matter how I talked, what I read, or the ideas I had; I was still a child. I was immature by nature.

And all of this maturity talk goes to your head. You think that you’re hot shit because you know certain things, and people validate your ego by reinforcing the idea that you’re mature and you deserve to be treated like an adult. Maturity in this context means that you deserve to be listened to. You are finally valued as a person with coherent thoughts.

So, you go on Kik, Tumblr, or essentially any form of social media really, and you talk to older people. These people insist that you’re mature for your age, so talking to people up to 15 years older than you is normal. But you’re literally 12 years old. No matter what, there was no maturity within those conversations. And then, eight years later, you realized you were groomed by some weirdo in a wolf shirt. But it was all a joke to you. You thought the gold-underwear dude who sent a dick-pic was a normal guy joking around because again, you were immature.

When I say it like this, it sounds absurd. Obviously, I was too immature to realize someone was trying to prey on me, but when we stop treating children like children, teenagers like teenagers, and 20-somethings like 20-somethings, we can justify how we abuse and use them. We build their perceptions of themselves into something entirely wrong. The idea of maturity has been construed by predators to convince younger people that entering relations with them is okay. Because maturity-wise, they are equals.

Yet still, coming out of these relationships with older men, women will say that they were talked down to by these men. Young women will say while at the same time their exes are raving about their maturity level, these men were infantilizing them and making them feel small and worthless. If you truly believe someone is your equal, do you treat them in this paradoxical way?

Despite her ecological footprint and her performative activism, I am a Swiftie. I can’t help it; I’m a teenage girl. She makes music for me. Taylor Swift’s relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal is one example of the contradiction between maturity and infantilization. Not only did this relationship leave Swift traumatized enough to write a 10-minute song and a short film, but it provides insight into this.

In All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version), Swift alludes to the age gap in the relationship numerous times. “If we had been closer in age, maybe it would’ve been fine,” “I was never good at telling jokes, but the punchline goes ‘I’ll get older, but your lovers stay my age.”

Jake sought out this relationship with Taylor. Older men go into relationships with young women thinking they are going to act mature. If you want a woman who is in the same mindset as you: date your age. Expecting these young girls to be mature when their brains aren’t developed is ridiculous.

But while he’s hoping for her maturity, Jake also belittles her to make her feel like a child. Jake didn’t like her jokes because he was so far above them. He’s too old for the girly, pop-music, corny jokes Taylor told.

The promise young girls bring to older men is innocence and purity. In their heads, the lack of real-world experience is a turn-on because that means another man has not touched them the way they want to touch these girls.

And this notion is directly correlated to the porn these men have consumed since they were teenagers. “Hot busty teen gets railed by step-DILF,” (I’m sure that’s a real title, or close enough to one.) Disregarding the incest in this situation, this specific fantasy is based on power, not lust. Older men want to see people who look like them have sex with girls they desire, so they can imagine it’s them.

Not only that, but the idea of a stepdaughter or any young girl is the idea that they are innocent. You’re not automatically sexualizing your stepchild, (at least you shouldn’t) so you assume that they’re not sexually active. You are their first time. You are the experienced one in control, which circles back to how these age-gap relationships are founded on the want for power, not love. Once these girls become too self-aware or too used, it’s okay to toss them aside.

Consuming these fantasies leads to a disconnect. Because it’s done in porn, means that I can do it. And what many don’t realize is how it is inherently exploitative. Even if your intentions are not to exploit young girls, subconsciously, you are building this belief on how to treat women.

There’s a reason why women the same age as these older male predators stay away from them; it’s because they’re fucking weird. Having dated men, and even possibly been married to them, these women know what flags to run away at, but younger girls don’t have the experience yet. Even when someone warns these girls, they still have the “but he says I’m mature enough for him,” idea in their heads. Because the truth is, they are mature enough for him. These girls are immature, thus easy to use. He wants you immature.

When men with economic and social power purposely pursue these young girls and get away with their predatory behavior, that lets other men know that they can also prey on barely 18-year-olds. It’s a cycle that will keep going because what these men like Leonardo DiCaprio do is legal. Both parties in the relationship are of legal age. But if there were no laws in place to protect underage girls, would older men still put their minimum dating age at 18, or would they stray even younger?